We were very lucky to have a fun next door neighbor everybody called Mom Mary. Retired and full of life. Loved her kids, cigarette and 2 cocktails a day. One day a friend had stopped by and we decide to have a impromptu brunch. We gave Mary a call to come over but she didn’t answer the phone. With our friend we stared to talk about how much fun Mary was and yes some interesting things about her sex life. About 15 minutes later the door bell rang and there stood Mary.  We said that “WOW we just called you and we talking about you”. Mary said “Yes I Know you bitches forgot to hang up the phone & I just heard everything you said about me!!!” OK that was an embarrassing moment!! Next story… One night the phone rang & it was Mary’s. She wanted us to come over to help move a rug she just bought. Mary was always buying antiques and re arranging her furniture so this was nothing new. We said sure will be over in a hour. Mary shouted NO COME NOW!!! She tried to move the rug herself and had fallen under it!! When we arrived Mary was laying  on the floor with the un rolled rug over her. Luck for Mary’s she could reach her cell phone even luckier was she could reach her cigarettes & lighter!!! After we got her out Mary told us to cut up this ##**# rug and use it to line over van.  Every time we look at the rug in our van we laugh. Do you think they smoke cigarettes in Heaven? With Mary there we are sure they do!!!

We went to Nassau in the Bahamas with 2 good gay friends Don & Khan. After 2 days of everyday sightseeing tourist things and the beautiful beaches, we needed a gay fix. I asked the resort cab driver if he knew where the Gay Bars were? He smiled and said. “Yes, Very Nice place.” Off we went in the opposite direction of downtown to a small strip mall. Everything was closed except a brightly lit up club all decorated in gold and red. The cab driver once again was all smiles and said that he would wait to take us back late and to take our time. Inside there was a window with a guy taking cover charges of $20 per person. OK, we were on vacation so Don paid for us all. Once inside the place was very sparse. The hostess said, “It’s almost show time I will get you a special table.” Then hand out asking for tip.

We all sat down and the first round of drinks was $60. WOW this must be quite the show. Then the show started….. Out came 4 islander real girls… NAKED!!! Then you know what were in our faces! Carrie & Brian said to just enjoy the show and were tipping the girls. That just made things worse. The girls were all over us by now. After the drink we all left. Outside the security guards approached us and wants a $10 tip from each of us. These thugs said that they were protecting us and with out the tip they would send the cab away. On the ride back the cab driver was laughing you guys are so funny there are NO GAY BARS in the Bahamas!!! After being hosed down like this we have little desire to ever go back to the Bahamas

Back in our college days at USF, we had 2 good friends who were lovers and drag queens too. Carrie had just gotten a newer car but wanted to keep is old car the Orange Bomber! Our apartment complex wouldn’t let us keep it there. Our two friends lived in a trailer court on North Nebraska Ave. They said sure just bring it over here and park it behind our trailer. We brought the Orange Bomber over and had parked her behind the trailer. The four of us we sitting on the picnic table, drinking a beer, when all of a sudden Mark noticed something!!!! The back of the car was starting to sink into the ground. More!!! More!!! More!!! … then the front tires were off the ground and the trunk was going into the ground. Everybody started to yell…” SINK HOLE, SINK HOLE!!!!”

 Our two friends ran into their trailer and we all started to bring out wigs dress, shoes etc etc etc and tossing them into our other cars. By the time the fire department and police had arrived there was a big crowd around. The firemen came back laughing and said, “Guys there is no sink hole. You just parked on top of an old septic tank and the tank collapsed!!”

After the tow truck got her out you can just imagine what the car smelled like. LOL LOL LOL

What is the Strangest thing you have seen from the Hamburger Mary’s balcony?

I am asked this question all the time. The answer is a most recent sighting. One Saturday Night around 10 PM a group of 15 – 20 guys were in Centro Ybor. They were ages 30-50+ Then one by one each gave a guy in the middle of the group a big hug then handed to him what looked like a wallet or passport. The guy in the middle took the passports and put them into a back pack. The man waved good bye to the group and walked towards the parking garage caring the backpack. The group of guys then walked away up 7th ave. I turned to Kurt and said “What did we just see? If we call the police what just happened?” Where they a crew from a ship? Where they tourists from..? Why didn’t they need their ID’s? Where were they going? Were they up to good or no good? Very Very Strange!!!

There was this trucker named Richard, who would stay at the SunCoast Resort. Richard would sleep in his truck and party in his hotel room. He would always flash big money and spend it too. When he got cocktailed he would start to sing the theme song from “All in the Family” then would shout, “How do you like me now mother f*@kers!”

One Friday night he asked me to go out on the town to party with him. I jokingly said, “You don’t have enough money to take me out!” He said, ” I’ll bring $10,000 and bet you can’t spend it all!” The next day to my surprise up pulled a super stretch limo in front of MC FILM with Richard, David (SunCoast bartender) & a friend. They had already dressed him up very wild. Our 1st stop was Walmart when he went inside and came out with security guards and $10,000 cash! OMG… In the limo we were off to Georgie’s Alibi. Inside it was packed on a Saturday afternoon. I told him to buy the house a round and give me the chips. Then he bought a second round. We told him to tip the bartender $200 and he did. We scoped up the huge pile of chips and gave them all to Keith ( our nephew, KC) and laughed ENJOY!!!

Over to Grand Central Station where we started a shots party. It was a fun wild time with owners, Jim & Kris. Across the street is a favorite stop for me the VFW. All the regulars were there drinking beer and shooting pool. I told him to buy every beer in the cooler. Then have the bartenders open them all and put them on the bar top. Free beer for the many Veterans!!!

We were getting hungry and early evening so we headed over to the Texas Cattlemen’s for dinner. I think one of Tampa Bays Best Steak Houses!  I asked Richard if he was running out of money yet? He laughed and said I hadn’t put a dent into it. I started to  laugh and said, “Fine then lets buy every table a bottle of wine!” Suddenly the whole restaurant became a wild party! After dinner it was off to the Backroom Bar on the Madeira Beach. We were not there 20 minutes when suddenly Richard fell in love!!! We were all replaced. LOL LOL LOL The next day I asked Richard how we did on the money. He laughed and said we were the cheap part of the day. His date was way more expensive LOL LOL

Back in the 1990’s we decide to have a true Charles Dickinson Christmas. We booked flights to London England and planned on being there from Christmas thru New Year’s Eve. Together with good friends Walt & Jack we rented a condo for 2 weeks. What nobody told was how very differently they celebrated Christmas in London. First off the Charle’s Dickinson thing is like the American Revolution in America. Mostly only in theme parks. In fact there were very little in Holiday decorations anywhere. They also exchange gifts on Dec 26 the day after Christmas and call it Boxing Day. Then the government & many private business closed down between Christmas & New Year’s, including manny of the tourist attractions. Christmas Eve we were lucky and did get tickets to the Royal Albert Hall for a Holiday concert. New Year’s Eve we were all ready to go to Trafalger Square to ring in the new year. Guess what??? It was pouring rain and so cold!!!  The four of us had a celebration in the condos living room. Then….. at Midnight….. on TV came the Queen of England to address the country. To our delight right after Queen Elizabeth the announcers (tong in cheek) said and now an address from the other Queen of England. It was our friend & Gay Icon Quentin Crist from New York City! He told the people of London that was too cold and they should all leave for America now. LOL LOL  He is a sample of his wit & hurmor.

One night there was a very famous Star from the Rue Paul show performing at Hamburger Mary’s. Back stage the First Lady of Ybor, Miss Joey brooks introduced her to shots of Goldschalugar!!! After the second show this Star went back to the dressing room and put her head down on the table and passed out cold. She was staying at the Hampton Inn but the problem was how to get this very large person there. IDEA…. put her on the office chair and roll her to the hotel. OMG that is what happened. out the front door down the elevator up 7th ave & to her room. They put her to sleep in the bed. The next day she woke up 3 hours after her fight had left!

    Every year my loving partner, Carrie plants a fall vegetable garden. Everyday he checks its over and over. One year I felt bad that there were no tomatoes growing yet. The blossoms would be numerous but no baby tomatoes. So….. I thought I would be the nice lover and went to the grocery store and purchased some green and red vine ripened tomatoes. When Carrie wasn’t looking I put them in the garden next to the vines.

    The next day I said, “Oh look!!!! You have beautiful homegrown tomatoes!!!”

    Carrie was very surprised and said with a big smile, “WOW how strange, tomatoes are growing on my cucumber vines!!!”  Oops!!!

Some friends of ours owned a building just north of the interstate in the VM Ybor District. For years the tenant of the building was a very nice & sweet man. He was always behind in his rent. Our friends would stop by and buy large amounts of bake goods to help him out. One day they read in the newspaper he had passed away. You can just imagine the surprise when they drove by the store & it was open!!! They stopped and went inside. The dead mans relatives were working the store. Our friends said that they were glad to see them take over the family business. Did they know he was 7 months behind in the rent? The relatives became very mad and said, “NO, their dad was the owner of this building.” They then called the police and had the real owners trespassed off their own property!!!! During the forced eviction the relatives shouted “Only in America can somebody steal ones family property like this!”