Category Archives: “You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up…”

You Can Not Make this Up.

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    Mathieu Stanoch is the set designer for Florida Entertainment. He is the creative genius behind the window decorations and huge club theme events. Mathieu was busy taking down this years St. Patrick’s Day Window display at the Honey Pot. Putting things away in the back of the club he heard a strange voice coming from the dance floor. There in the middle of the floor was a homeless woman with one leg in a wheel chair. She was pretending that she couldn’t speak and was asking for money.
    Mathieu said many times “No and you need to leave.”  Finally Mathieu said, ” Look this is how this is going to work either I call the cops or here (handing her a box of Lucky Charms from the tore window display) now leave.”
    The homeless person was suddenly cured and could speak saying, “WOW!!!! Lucky Charms are my favorite!!”
    As she rolled off down 7th Ave eating her Lucky Charms out of the box Mathieu thought…. Only in Ybor.  LOL

You Can Not make this Up.

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Straight People Do the Strangest Tings!!!
First we would like to give you a quick lesson about beads. In American New York City is #1 for bead tossing, Tampa is #2 and New Orleans is a distant 3rd for bead tossing. For the serious bead collector there are 2 categories of beads the “Hey Mister Beads”. They are 95% of the beads  tossed and are the 33″ plain beads. The name come from kids yelling at the floats, “Hay Mister Toss me Something!” LOL LOL Then there are the rest of the beads which are much more collectable. On a recent parade in Ybor City I was working the balcony bar. It was packed with party people. The parade started. There were beads flying thru the air, people screaming, music rocking the festive night air. Then an amateur drunk thru up in the middle of the group. LOL I called my back up helper. He quickly mopped the mess up. Unfortunately he couldn’t get back thru the crowd. I told him to leave the mop bucket next to the garbage can on the back wall. Back to slinging drinks and ducking beads as there were 100’s of them coming in. Just then some “Hey Mister” beads hit the back wall and feel into the mop bucket. A guys headed towards the beads. I tried to stop him but got the F U LOOK! He snatched the beads from the bucket and gave them a shake. Then put the beads around his drunken girlfriend’s neck. I started to say something when she turn pointing to the 100’s of  “Hey Mister” beads around her neck & said “Isn’t my boyfriend wonderful!?!? Look at all the beads he caught for me!” I just smiled and in my head said “Classy, Very Classy!” LOL

You Can Not make this Up.

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At the old SunCoast Resort there were these 2 guys from Sarasota that drove everybody nuts. They were pain in the butt whiners and complainers about everything. Then management notice that every time after they would check out there was a problem with the shower in their room. One day they checked out and were still at the bar when a call came into the mgr from housekeeping. There in their room was a sex toy still attached to the shower head. (use your imagination) The manager took it down and put it in a big clear plastic bag. Strolling up to them at the bar the manager said in a very loud clear voice “Here you forgot this!” The couple replied “O that is not ours” the mgr said “Yes it is.” Then put it down and walked away. It was one of the funniest things we have ever seen.

You Can Not Make This Up.

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    Back in the 1980’s, when I was in my late 20’s, I was selling real estate in Tampa. One day a call came into the office. The gentleman was the owner of a large home in a very prestigious neighborhood in South Tampa. He wanted to list his huge home.
     I did all the preliminary work and came up with a listing price. When I arrived at his home he gave me a quick tour of his home and then told me that his wife & kids were gone. The next thing I know this guy is all over me. I’m telling him…. No Way!!! No Way!!! Then this scum bag tells me that if I want the listing I will have to have sex with him, now.
    Once again I tell him, NO WAY!!! Then he tells me that if we do not have sex he will call the police and tell them I broke into his home. I laughed into this face and said, “Do burglars  break into homes with listing agreements and comps on “Your” home?”
 I was out the door.
    About 6 or 8 years went by. Then one day he walked into our MC Film store on Kennedy Blvd. He totally forgot about what had happened & did not remember me. I smiled and was very PC polite to him. He then became a regular of ours at MC Film.
    To this day he comes by once a month. His wife has since passed away and he still thinks his kids don’t now about him and his secret life. He is now far up in age and always asks where the young boys are?
    We all laugh and say in Tampa somewhere.

You Can Not Make This Up.

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    OK… Hum us a Tune
    The year was 1996. Tampa was the host city for the largest to date convention at Tampa Convention Center, the  “GALA Choruses Festival V”. http://galachoruses.org/about/history There were 86 choruses, 23 small ensembles and more than 4,700 singing delegates registered from around the world. Again, this was the largest convention Tampa had ever seen. The Hillsborough County Commission and Tampa City Council fought for this convention and had passed sexual orientation rights in the city and county but the county was wavering!
      We were proud to be the hosts for the OK Gay Men’s Chorus with friend/ director Rev. Franklin Roberts from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. We said that the 40 singers and back up band had to sing for their supper! In our back yard we had cooked a huge Cuban Tampa Feast of BBQ Roast Pork, Seafood Paella, black beans, yellow rice, Cuban bread & plantains.
     After the Festive dinner the group serenaded us and 100 of our close friends  in our back yard to a full monumental concert.  Of course we had invited all our neighbors too. The Oklahoma Cowboys had also brought with then a couple of their friends. The friends turned out to be none other than the outlandish Gay comedy singing duo, Romanovsky and Phillips.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanovsky_and_Phillips We had all of their CDs.
    They did a surprise set also to add to the beautiful Tampa night surrey! The guys were the headliners for the big Pride Show the next day!!!
    Tampa had a major Gay Pride event with all the visiting choruses marching in the Tampa Pride Parade. It was like no other Tampa Gay event since.
    A few days after the Festival V had finished in Tampa came some very sad news. The men’s chorus from France left JFK in New York on Flight TWA 800 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TWA_Flight_800 . 12 minutes after take off the plane blew up and sank in the Atlantic Ocean. All 230 onboard were killed. This was at the time, the 3rd deadliest airline crash in America.

You Can Not Make This Up.

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    Carrie and I were going to the Kobe Japanese Steakhouse in Brandon to celebrate our 36th year anniversary together. We made a quick shopping stop at Burlington Coat Factory. It was our first time there.  Standing in the check out line in front of us was a well dressed lady. She turned and was looking at us when she asked, “Do you work at Hamburger Mary’s in Ybor?” I smiled and said, “Yes I do!”
    The lady went on to say, “Aren’t you Tea Cup? You were our bartender. We had such a great time with you. We were celebrating our 26 anniversary that night.” Carrie & I both smiled and said,”Yes, that was me and we are celebrating our 36th Anniversary today.”
     She went on to say, “I will never forget how much fun we had together that night. It was our very last date together. The next day he had a massive stroke and passed away by the end of the week. You were our angel that night.”
    WOW… what do you say to that?!?!?!?!? We told her that we were very sorry for her loss. What a coincidence to run into her at that Brandon store.

You Can Not make this Up.

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Back in the late 1990’s there was this very colorful friend of ours named Ed. He was and still is, the owner of a very large adult distribution center in Tampa. Ed sells everything from adult toys to dvd’s. One day he pulled up at our store with this huge black 4 door Mercedes Benz. We were all out side checking out his new car. Ed opened the doors and the glass was 1 inch thick!!! Ed explained the car was bullet  proof!!! OMG Why do you need a bullet proof car? Ed laughed and said, “Guess what I paid for this car.”  We said 80 or $100,000?  Ed gave us his big laugh and said ” your not going to believe this…. This Asian guy came in and said he was going back to China. He could not take this car with him. So the guy traded the car for 1,000 Gay Porno  Dvd’s! Laughing even harder Ed said This guy then told me there are no Gays in China! They are not going to believe this. LOL LOL”

You Can Not Make This Up.

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    This week Carrie & myself have been together 36 years.  The first 10 years you’re in love and lust.  You really don’t know what all is going on all around you. That is why when we were together about 18 years I had a big surprise.  Carrie & I were working on restoring our bungalow home. Carrie accidentally got a big ripped leg cut & I took him to the emergency Walk In Clinic to have stitches and shots. The next day I was reading the doctors bill and noticed a mistake. Right there in black and white they had the nerve to write down the wrong date of his birth. I showed it to Carrie right away.
     Carrie smiles and said that it was correct. CORRECT!!! You mean you are 4 years older than me and not 2 years! Carrie smiled and said, “Yes, I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
     I replied, “NO BIG DEAL!!! So when I had your gigantic 40th birthday party you were actually 42? Your sisters must have thought I was crazy and a little off!” Carrie smiled and said that his sisters already thought I was crazy.
     If I ever get another boyfriend I will check his drivers licence on the first date!

You Can Not Make This Up.

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Our friend Donald was quite the HOOT! He was a die hard Democrat with a dry sense of humor. One day we noticed there was a photo of then President Bush hanging in his bath room over the toilet. We were surprised to see this and asked him , “What’s up with the picture of Bush in the bathroom?”
With a big smile on his face Donald said “Every morning I tell him. You can kiss this ass!”
LOL you just can not make this up.

Burn Baby Burn!!!

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Burn Baby Burn!!!
Back in the 1960s urban renewal was in full force in Ybor City. The battle cry was “Burn Baby Burn!!!” The city & fire department burned 100’s of cigar factory homes and business. All to make way for urban renewal. To the out cry of the Historical Society they begged them to stop. In an effort to calm things down the Tampa Mayor gave the Historical Society the Ybor City Fire Hall. In an elaborate ceremony the Mayor & Tampa City Council gave the Historical Society the keys to the fire house in the Tampa City Council Chambers. Very excitedly the Historical Society went right back to Ybor City to the Fire Hall.  They arrived just in time to see the last bulldozer drive thru the fire station, knocking it all to the ground. The Mayor & City Council were so embarrassed  that they gave them the Ferlita Bakery across the street. That was still not enough to calm the Historical Society down. In an unbelievable break of good luck. The U.S. Congress had just passed a bill requiring Citys to maintain a stock pile of cast iron. During WWII Tampa had melted down all the street lamps to make a ship. This ship later was sunk.  There was one pole left. It was in the inside court yard at the Columbia Restaurant. The mayor bowered the street pole and had 500 replicas made of cast iron. Today there are replicas of the original street lamps across Ybor City and Tampa has an iron reserve.