Category Archives: “You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up…”

You Can Not make this Up.

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Have you ever wondered why San Francisco, CA was so Gay? It all started with the bombing of Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. America was tossed into a war with Japan.  The last American Port for many ships was San Francisco. Sailors who had boarded ships at other ports, this was their last stop.  Many of the Gay sailor were outed on the ships. They were then kicked off the ships at San Francisco and given dis-honorable  military dischargers. Not wanting to go home to their families they made San Francisco their new homes. Now you know the rest of the story.

You Can Not make this Up.

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One late Sunday Tea Cup had closed the balcony. He started to clean up and was in the process of hosing down the balcony.  A man appeared on the steps and introduce himself as the proprietor of the new bar below. He actually said with a straight face to Tea Cup, a Gay Man………Do you realized that you are dripping into my corn holes on the sidewalk below? With a surprised look Tea Cup said “I think I know what your trying to say???  The game…. right” LMAO

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There was a very nice young male dancer. One day he said to me”Hey Tea Cup I gotta show you a photo” Of course I asked if it was a nude photo of himself. He said “Dude it’s much better.” Then showed me a photo of money carefully spread out on his bed. With excitement in his voice he actually said “That’s $128.00 dollars. I bet you have never seen that much cash at one time. I made  it dancing..” His friend said “Of course Tea Cup has seen that much cash before….. Haven’t you Tea Cup?” I just smile and said WOW that’s a lot of money.

You Can Not Make this Up

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    One day 5 beautiful definitely Gay body builders all with a heavy Russian accents walked into the bar. They were very strikingly sexy dressed in colorful tank tops and big wide smiles on their faces. I started to look for reality TV crews & cameras.
There were none.
     The guys then all ordered, “American Bloody Mary’s “ with dbl vodka. Hmmmm…
    One of the guys had his arm around his boyfriend. He said “This OK??” I smiled and said,  “Yes, of course you’re in GaYBOR!”
    Then the hottest guy of the group actually said to me, in his sexy heavy Russian brogue accent, “You make girlie drink. This not strong!”
     I just smiled and poured him a big 1/2 shot more on top. Then with a big smile he says, “You sexiest. I take you home and we make love until the bus comes tomorrow!!!!”
    I just smiled with a smirk and nodded and said, “You couldn’t take it!” His friends all broke out laughing.

You Can Not make this Up.

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    One day I was serving 4 older lesbians on the HM balcony. The day was superbly nice, warm and the fans were blowing on the patio. They were a lot of fun and we were joking back and forth laughing a lot
    . Then they said, ” I bet you can not guess what we are celebrating today?” I smiled and guessed… just got married? On vacation together? New job? Graduation? New baby? Just got divorced The sky is blue???
    They all smiled and said, “No, We were all in prison together many many years ago. Every year during Gasparilla we all try to get together.”
    Two of the ladies were lovers and met in prison. The other two were both single. They all had matching prison tattoos of a black star. They told me that when they were young they were all stupid.
    Now there lives are back together again. WOW from a sweaty patio.

You Can Not make this Up.

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LGBT marriage is now legal in Florida. Anybody who has every been to a hetro bridal shower knows about all the sill games…. Like pin the penis on the doll. LOL Well at  a Lesbian bridal shower there are the same silly games with a twist. At a recent Lesbian bridal shower the name of the game was “Can you guess your wife’s breasts” LOL They blindfolded one of the girls. Then had 6 contestants line up. Some of the guys put on bras and they added jewelry to the real wife. To everybody’s delight she guessed the right person. This got us thinking Hum… What will happen with two guys bridal shower? LOL LOL

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Mark’s Grandfather was quite the inventor. His favorite Restaurant/Cocktail Lounge was in St. Paul. Everything in the place was white… The bar, tablecloths, china, chairs, chandeliers, lattice work, even the grand piano was white. It was in the 1950’s small pen light flashlights were new and popular. With this flashlight he designed a lamp post for the top. Then there was a clip on the side. When you attached this to your drink the light would come on. This way the bartender would know that you were ready for a new drink! A much more civilized way to order a drink he would say!!! People came from everywhere to order a drink with this flashlight lamp post . LOL

You Can Not make this Up.

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    Everybody in GaYBOR loves Bud & Jeffery. Bud can swear like a sailor and doesn’t hold anything back. We were all excited when Bud got a new wheelchair scooter. One day Tea Cup was busy on the balcony at Hamburger Mary’s.
    He was working with 2 senior couples from Iowa who were being a challenge. Bud pulled up, Tea Cup turns around and said in a very loud voice “I’m sorry but this is not a handicapped parking space you need to move it!!!”
    In classic Bud he said, ” I don’t give a GD F*#k you SOB! You can just go F yourself.”
    Tea Cup yelled back “That’s it.. I’m going to call the nursing home and have you picked again!!!”  Then both started to laugh.
    When Tea Cup turned around the 2 couples from Iowa looked like deer in headlights with their mouths wide open. Tea Cup smiled and said “We were just joking.”
    The 2 tourist couples didn’t give Tea Cup anymore trouble. LOL

You Can Not Make this Up.

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    This time of year many of us Floridians travel up north to get away, ski or to experience snow. Afterwards we always say, “What the F%#@** were we thinking?!?!?!”
    One year we flew into Minneapolis, Minnesota. It was way below zero and a lot of snow and ice.
    We were all excited to see the family and parents. We were about 20 miles from the car rental when we noticed something. The car had no heat to warm our shivering bodies.!! We tried and tried to recalculate the digital heater. We were plain C O L D!!!
    Turning the car around and went back to the car rental agent. They told us that the car had come from the South
    Sorry…. no heat! WTF.

You Can Not Make this Up.

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    Remember when you were young children and would get caught doing something suspiciously wrong by the squinting neighbor lady? This past week Miss Esme Russell was on her way to work, out of make-up full of positivism and going to Hamburger Mary’s in Centro Ybor.
    There in the holiday decorated 7th Ave courtyard were some kids trying to put rave posters on the big Christmas Tree. With out any hesitation Esme dropped her bags and ran up to the kids shouting in English then Spanish or both.
     “Don’t be messing with the Gay’s Christmas tree!!! You go home to your own houses and mess up your straight trees…. LEAVE THE GAY’s TREE ALONE!!!!”
    The kids stunned went running down 7th Ave after the scolding!  I bet those kids will be talking about this for the rest of their lives!!!
     Leave the Gay’s tree alone!!!!!!!